Cute Jes. Here are a few for you:
1) A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
2) Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and mykeys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
3) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)
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